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imprettytired · 1 year ago

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Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 6

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Cw: Self harm, drugs, hallucinations (auditory), injury, sickness, disordered eating.

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Chapter 5:

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Mammon couldn't sleep and didn't try to either.

"Why'd he have to say that?" Mammon thought

"Cause he pities you" the voice whispers back.

But Mammon genuinely wanted to believe that his brother loves him. He wanted to believe that all of his brothers love him.

But he knows that's a lie. It could never happen, at least not anymore.

He got up, trying his hardest to ignore how dizzy he felt, and went to the bathroom.

He looked in the mirror. A Sick, sleep deprived, shell of a Mammon stared back at him. Was he always this terrible looking? He couldn't help but wonder so.

He hates it. He hates himself so much that he couldn't bring it into words.

Grabbing his knife, he wanted nothing more than to distract himself from the world around him. Even if it means covering every inch of his body with cuts.

He looked at the now healed scars on his palm and thought of a better idea as memories of a few weeks ago flashed in his mind.

He carved the word 'worthless' into his forearm. He watched as the blood slowly poured.

It wasn't enough.

He did more

'greedy'

'scummy'

The same words that had haunted him the first time he did this to himself were now something he would wear for everyone else to see.

Finally 'die' was harshly carved into his hand. This one was more painful than the last ones and alot deeper too.

"Do ya' think Lucifer would care or would Diavolo need to tell him to first?" Mammon says with a sad smile.

"Actually please don't answer that."

He instead went to take a shower.

He couldn't decide if he was too hot or too cold so he laid in the shower as warm water hit him until that too became unbearable.

When he finally got out of the bathroom he remembers just how hungry he is and grabs the plate Beelzebub left by his door. It was now cold.

He only got a few bites in before he felt too sick to continue. He decided to take it to the kitchen knowing that if he didn't, he would forget about the plate, and let the food on it get moldy. Only resulting in something else his brothers would make fun of him for.

Just as he began to leave he remembers the cuts. The one on his palm was still bleeding although it was significantly less than it was at first.

He really didn't feel like bandaging them but he really didn't want to get blood everywhere in the house so he simply wrapped bandage around his arm and hand so haphazardly that it began to come undone as soon as he finished.

He didn't care to much though. All he needed was to put the plate in the kitchen and leave. He just hoped he could get away with not cleaning it.

----

As he was walking to the kitchen he heard people talking in the dinning room.

It was his brothers.

"Didn't they already had dinner?" Mammon thought.

"and he's lost weight too." Asmodeous said. Mammon couldn't make out the first part.

Are they talking about him? He hasn't noticed any weight loss though it makes sense. He hasn't been hungry and spends most of his day walking.

"Maybe it's because he's sick?" One of them questioned. Some of his brothers voices sound so unfamiliar to him.

"How long has he been sick for?'

"I don't know. I haven't been talking to him." Leviathan said

"Yeah."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"What did he say to Lord Diavolo?" Satan asked.

He still has no clue what he said but he hoped it wasn't too embarrassing

"That's none of our business." It was Lucifer. It had to be. Although he sounded a lot different to Mammon.

"So he didn't tell you did he?" Satan replied and Mammon could almost hear the smirk.

"No he didn't but it's nothing that concerns us."

"Yeah but it seemed to freaked out Lord Diavolo a lot."

"Do you think he started talking like he did earlier?" Said someone sounding a bit creeped out.

"When did he even start doing that?"

Mammon felt like the most worthless creature in the world. He walked in. Not wanting the discussion about him to continue.

"Oh hey Mammon!" Asmodeus said too cheerful for Mammon's liking

"I'm gonna put this in the kitchen." Mammon said as he tried to walk past.

"You didn't eat much" Beelzebub said while staring at the plate

"I'm just not that hungry"

"Are you feeling any better?"

All Mammon could do is shake his head no as he enters the kitchen. His vision starts to blur as he trys to put the plate on the table.

He misses and the glass shatters on the ground.

"FUCK" he yelled loud enough to startle himself.

"Why do you always have to mess everything up? Why can't you just stop it already? Damnit Lucifer's gonna be so pissed."

He moved his injured hand around in an attempt to pick up all the pieces of broken glass and food. Getting blood on the ground only adding to his frustration. He soon dropped all the pieces in a pile

He clenched his hand and hit ground besides the pile as hard as he could.

He felt pain radiate through his hand. It gave him a sick sense of relief.

So he did again and again.

And again.

Until he heard footsteps coming towards him.

"Are you okay?"

Mammon needed to turn to know who it was. It was his younger brother, Satan.

He discreetly stuffs the unraveled part of the bandage in the sleeve of his jacket.

"I'm fine I just dropped my plate."

"What happened to your hand?"

"I guess I fell."

"You guess?"

Mammon pinched the bridge of his nose with his non injured hand and thought up the best lie he could.

"I thought was putting the plate on the counter but I ended up just dropping it on the ground then I slipped and landed on my hand."

He heard a frightened gasp and soon felt his hand in the palms of another and felt fingers tracing one his fingers.

There was so much blood on his hand that Asmo didn't notice the word carved in his hand nor that there was no glass in his hand.

"I think you broke it." Asmodeus' hands were soft, gentle, caring.

Mammon pulled his hand away.

"It's fine."

"No Mammon it really looks broken."

"I'm fine."

The next thing Mammon knew he was over the sink throwing up, but he was confused as to how he even got there.

His eyes darted around the room and then landed on the broken glass, food, and blood still left on the ground.

"I'll pick it up."

"Mammon you just threw up from standing you're not in any position to do that." Satan said.

"I'm fine."

"You're not picking it up."

"Yeah I am."

Mammon was hit with a wave of dizziness and tried to use the counter for support. Which failed miserably at. Falling to his knees with his forehead pressed up against the ground and his good hand covering his mouth.

He laid there for about a minute and then got up, breathing heavily as he tried to get the room to stop spinning.

He looked over at his, mostly, horrified family, and began to laugh as a thought ran through his scattered brain.

"Hey did the rest of y'all ever find your stuff? I know Levi did but how about the rest of ya'?"

If he had given them a reason to talk before.

"I'm gonna go lay down."

He had definitely gave them something to talk about now.

----

Mammon finally made it to his room, away from his brothers.

Or so he thought.

"Here's a pillow."

It's was Belphegor. He didn't notice that he wasn't in the kitchen with the rest of his family.

"It's fine Belphie. I have some pillows."

"It will help."

He didn't feel like arguing.

"Thanks"

He left and left Mammon confused.

The same man that not even a month prior could grasp why Mammon was still around.

"I guess it's just pity."

As he laid on the pillow and felt himself being dragged in. It was clear to him that his brother had put some sort of charm on it to help him.

It was the worst sleep of his life. Constantly waking up sweating or feeling as though he was going to throw up. He was terrified.

He went on his phone desperately trying to find out about the pills he has been taking, but he knew nothing about them.

So there he laid. In agony.

"Just a few more hours."

----

Mammon only got two interrupted hours of sleep before Beelzebub came by to check on him.

"Hey Mammon are you feeling better?"

Mammon just stared at Beelzebub. He felt like that's all he could do.

"Lucifer wants you to stay home today."

He gave him a thumbs up,

----

Although Mammon was in pain, the first chance he could, he left and met his friend.

The friend handed Mammon two pills. Which he took almost immediately not questioning how his friend knew to give him two.

Then the friend handed him a bag of pills. Enough to last the next few days.

"How much will it cost?"

"2000 Grimm."

Mammon paid.

"You know Mammon the prince has been super up everyone's ass lately."

"Why?"

"A bust that happened last week."

"Oh."

"Yeah and now he's getting more serious about shit."

"Oh yeah I saw some flyers about drugs at my school. Apparently people are overdosing"

Mammon's friend sighs.

"I have to get going, see you soon."

----

Mammon soon remembered what it felt to be happy again as he wandered home.

He finally had the energy to carefully bandage his arm and hand. Asmodeus was right, his hand was broken. He was in so much pain yesterday that it didn't faze him. He doesn't understand why it has not healed by now, but he didn't care too much.

----

Mammon didn't realize what time it was until he heard one of his brothers knock on his door.

"Mammon?"

It was Lucifer. It was hard to focus on him.

"Hmm?"

"Lord Diavolo needs to talk to you in the morning."

Mammon had plans to go literally anywhere besides school.

"What does he want?"

"No clue."

Lucifer left. Mammon was hurt that he didn't ask how he was doing.

----

He decided to go and have dinner with the rest of them though he only picks at his food.

"Mammon stop playing with your food." Lucifer snapped at him

"I'm just not hungry."

He hasn't been hungry in awhile

"Mammon are you sure you're feeling better? You look worse."

"I feel great."

He doesn't know who asked him that question so he simply stared in the direction the voice was coming from.

There was silence as everyone stared at him but he didn't understand why.

"I'll just go." Mammon mumbled as he got up from the table and left.

He went into his room and looked in the mirror. He's looked the best he has been in a long time. So he knows it's not that.

Mammon laid in bed. Knowing that he wouldn't sleep but that doesn't matter. He's okay again.

And that's all that matters.

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yesterdayiwrote · 2 years ago

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Some of the takes I see about George online are actually insane.

I saw someone saying basically the issue with the W14 is that mercedes followed how George felt about the car in development and not Lewis, therefore it suits George and that mercedes should not have taken georges opinion in development as seriously as Lewis's. That they should have focused on making the car suit Lewis and have George adapt.

Its like people aren't aware that these cars are a different era of cars to what lewis won his championship with. Plus it isn't like the engineers are gonna go sure we will go with George in this even though what Lewis says will be faster. They go with what they feel the fastest concept will be, they don't just decide to go with George because they like him more than Lewis.

Plus it ignores the fact that George was working in the Mercedes simulator all the way back from the brocedes era. It was his work in the simulator which gave him opportunities to test drive cars and do free practice sessions and tire tests. Surely he must have some abilty in the sim and the engineers have alot of trust in him. They are always praising his technical knowlege. Just look at last weekend. Lewis even admitted that George chose the better set up and strategy, even though on paper it shouldn't have been.

Honestly I feel for the lad. People insulted him last year because apparently he didn't do enough for development for the car and lewis was doing all the experiments and it cost him points and now because the cars a bit crap its all his fault because they put more weight into what George has said about development. Both cannot be true. You can't say George didn't do any development last year but also blame him for the car being bad this year because of what he said in development last year.

Okay, I’ve been trying to think of a way to answer this since I got it, and I’m really struggling to find a way that covers ALL the nuance of the situation whilst simultaneously airing my frustration and trying not to be a biased dick about it. I do genuinely like both of them.

This creeping narrative that everything that goes wrong is because of George and everything that goes right is because of Lewis really does fuck me off big time because it’s just such childish bullshit and I can’t be dealing with it. That said it’s so ridiculously childish that it’s barely worth giving much credence to. The people know what they’re doing and sometimes you just have to let people have their copium and just… laugh?

I think people need to allow Lewis to be vulnerable and this aching need by some people to paint this picture that he is a perfect, fully rounded driver with absolutely no flaws or weaknesses does no one any favours. Sure we haven’t seen them as much, because success has a tendency to conceal these things, but even the GOATs have areas that need improvement. Merc have no responsibility to treat him as a first priority in all eventualities, and doing so would do Lewis more harm than good? If they had insisted on switching the cars in Jeddah like some people wanted, it surely would have been ten times more humiliating for him when he got passed by his teammate five laps later going quicker on the harder tyre?

George has a really solid eye for strategy. He can call strategy in the car while he’s driving a race and that’s no mean feat. Personally, I feel Lewis is weaker in that area. He prefers the team to lead his strategy and he puts his full faith in them to get it right and that’s fine, plenty of drivers do that. It’s not a glaring void in his arsenal, but in times when things go wrong it gives George an advantage he can draw on. People get angry at him doing it, because he’s ‘putting himself first’ but equally sometimes you’ve got to control your own destiny.

The whole situation with the car design is getting a bit ‘He said, She said’. Lewis said no one listened to him and he had all the right answers. George said they all agreed the direction together. We’ll never know who is telling the truth. Chances are it’s somewhere in the middle. Some teams do design their cars to suit one specific driver over another. I don’t know that I buy into any theory that suggests in Merc it would be George, even if he did come out on top last year. I said before I was a bit disappointed with Lewis’ comments and I think they were ill advised and borne out of frustration, as did he in the press conference, and then effectively doubled down and said something just as contentious in the post race interviews 🤷🏼‍♀️

We know George has done car development. You can’t joke about him being locked in the Sim and then simultaneously accuse him of not assisting with development, and then simultaneously accuse him of driving the entire development direction to suit himself. Like any sane person knows all of those things can’t be true cos the maths ain’t mathing?

Lewis isn’t ultimately responsible for his fans and the things they say, that being said I do feel like he sees more than he lets on and he knows when to give a crafty stir of the pot. They all do? This is purely his fans doing it though, not him, even if Spinz hasn’t helped matters in the past 😒

I think it’s a shame it’s got to this state though. I feel sorry for George and I do feel sorry for Lewis as well. It is a tougher situation for him in light of 2021. None of this is George’s fault though and it’s sad to see the online discourse getting so… tribal at times.

#I had so many things I wanted to say and I lost my train of thought so this only covers like…half of them #I’ve also got a ridiculous blocked nose atm so I’m not working on all cylinders right now #tldr: lewis’ fans can be ridiculous but he’s not responsible for that even if he maybe stirs the pot at times. it’s a shame for everyone

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demons-and-more-yall · 6 months ago

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Someone wanted an explanation, so here it goes. (Please read the whole thing before commenting 🙏)

!!Sexual talk/mentions!!

Yes, Asmo is very sexual there's no doubt about that. Due to all the attention he gets and his sin, it makes perfect sense that he's the way he is. But he can still be very sexual, and acesexual. How?

Easy.

He's hypersexual.

No I'm not just slapping a term onto him, I genuinely see it.

Hypersexual literally causes unwanted or excessive sexual arousal, making people to engage in or think about sexual things to a point of distress or impairment. It effects people's health, job, relationships and other parts of their life. It also involves different kinds of common sexual experiences like m*sturbat!on, multiple sexual partners, use of 🌽-ography or paying for s*x. However when these sexual behaviors become a major, constant focus in your life, are difficult to control, and cause problems in your life and are harmful to you or others, that is in fact Hypersexuality.

Asmo is literally ALL OF THESE. He's constantly thinking, doing, or engaging in sexual things. He makes remarks around or even ABOUT family (ew) or in serious or professional environments, constantly goes out to clubs to hook up, and has hugely sexualized himself. He does it ALOT. He's known for it.

But that's the thing about being hypersexual. You can't CONTROL it. At least not without therapy. This fact makes sense, especially when you remember his brothers also have uncontrollable issues, related to their sins ofc. However unlike the others, who seem to hate the effect their sins have on them, Asmo EMBRACES it. I'm fact, for a long time I believe he didn't even see a problem with it. Everyone around him either encouraged it or disregard/ignored it, so I wouldn't be surprised if he just never really gave it to much thought. He'd need a third party or outside perspective for him to really stop and really think about it.

And guess who's the perfect third party...MC!!

I genuinely believe that MC does help the others manage their sins and their sin related issues in due time, and Asmo is no exception. They offer the perspective, that needed input he'd need to really address his issues. Or at least notice them. That and it's literally stated in cannon that he really just wants genuine love from someone. He wants someone to love him for him, not just for what he can do or give. He wants someone to love him for more then his body.

Aceseuxality is a spectrum, and while it might not be the best term to use now that I think about it, I genuinely think that once he gets the genuine love and attention he's been wanting for so long, suddenly those sexual actions or impulses don't seem as "fun". He has constant love now, he doesn't need to seek it out through other means anymore. Yet he is still dealing with those strong impulses and thoughts, even when he doesn't want them.

That's my point! He's used sex as a way to get attention, love and intimacy for a long time. It was always a means to an end. After the fall, he lost a lot of affection/attention after being the literal jewel of the heavens. Sure it technically FELT good, it's physical stimulation so he technically did get physical aroused, but he didn't... Really want it for any other reason then he just wanted that affection/attention. He's never wanted sex just because he wanted sex. He wanted it because to him, it was the only form of love he could get, at least for a long time.

Of course his sin will still impact him, and yes he will still be sexual in a sense due to it, but I don't think he'd actually act out those things anymore. He definitely would have healed from it a bit but it's still a struggle for him at times, especially with his sin (and the fact they all clearly never got therapy). For once in his life, he doesn't have to.

Of course take this with a grain a salt. It's obviously a HC, and also I'm still only on the first game. If nobody else agrees or likes this then that's perfectly fine, just please don't actually harras me about it. I was actually really nervous to make the original post so please just be nice if you wanna make a opinion on this. I'd really appreciate it. (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

Say you HC Belphie as Aro-Ace and nobody bats an eye.

Say you HC Asmo as Asexual and the community goes wild.

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #I love Asmo so I'll cry if this is OOC in anyway #I'm not that far into the first game y'all leveling up my cards is a pain #Also to the person who said it's funny cause they all wanna bang you in game #This is why it's called a HEAD CANNON #And again feel free to share your own opinions I wanna see em.#obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons

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iambilliejeanok · 3 years ago

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Omg can I plz plz plzzzz get a Dom!Kisame x Sub!Fem!reader? Where the reader and Kisame are constantly bickering back and forth and don’t like each other but one day an argument they have leads into some rough sex? I hope this makes sense. I really enjoy your writing by the way!!

I like this one. I like it alot. 😏thank you anon💜

Warnings: 18+. Unedited. NSFW. Language, slight overstimulation and violence.

“Not today Kisame! I’ve had enough stinky!”, you yelled, irritated beyond belief at the mere sight of the shark boy, let alone the mean words coming out of his fowl mouth. You huffed, crossing your arms and cocking your hip in a way that Kisame admired. He didn’t like that he thought you were very attractive and sought to squash any and every thought he had about you by being mean. “Get yourself together y/n”, he spoke in a very demeaning way, despite the fact that he was clearly aggravating you with his patronizing taunts. “I thought you could handle a little criticism. You’re weak and you ought to train a little more to at least compensate for your failures y/n”. That was it. He reached the boiling point. Why would he say that considering the fact that you were alone, on a mission to capture the four tails. Unlike like you, everyone else had a partner to help them succeed. The four tails was strong, forcing you to back out of the fight before you’d needlessly hurt yourself. Your taijutsu was neat, but you lacked the physical strength to inflict any serious harm, your strength being the ability to absorb chakra and return it to the user in five fold. Also that you were abnormally intelligent, making you a crucial member of the akatsuki as you played a role in managing the group, sometimes helping pick out the right teams for the right tasks. And your main focus was to collect information about the jinchuriki to share with Pein, who would use that information to select an actual team to hunt down the host. Kisame was happy you failed. There was just something about seeing you so miserable that he couldn’t help but take pleasure in. “Are you gonna let him talk to you like that y/n?”, Hidan deviously questioned, successfully riling you up. You literally pounced on him, not caring that you were in the midst of all the other members, taking him down by complete surprise. You both fell to the ground with a loud thud, Kisame completely taking the hit as you landed on top of him. He was rather stunned that you were able to easily take him down. “Yes y/n, get him!” Hidan cheered, enjoying the view of your ass as you hovered above your new opponent, earning himself a glare from Kakuzu. You certainly weren’t tiny. You were packing in all the right places, standing at 5’8, your curvy body showing in all its glory because your clothes burnt off in certain areas after escaping the four tails brutal lava release, making you look all the more fucking sexy to the swordsman, as well as every other member in the room. But even then, he was way too big and bulky for you to manage bringing him down to the ground in a spilt second all by yourself. You brought your fist up, ready to wipe away that smug look on his face with a nice and hard blow, infuriated at how he calmly waited for you to hit. Your fist connected with his cheek, Kisame quickly flipping you over so he was now on top of you, blood dripping out his nose and falling on your cheek as he easily pinned your wrists on either side of your head, his solid, muscly frame dominantly hovering above you. “Are you trying to kill yourself?”, he growled, angered by how you took him down in front of everyone, but also more than happy to fight you, to see what you’re really capable of. You brought your knee up between his legs, a loud grunt leaving his mouth as you landed a hard blow on his crotch. You used the opportunity to head butt him hard before flipping him over so you were right back on top of him. He was obviously holding back, but today you were in the mood to really fight. “Enough!”. You both snapped your heads in the direction of the familiar voice. Pein looked down at both of you, his purple eyes piercing your own, his expression stoic as always. You quickly got off of Kisame, dusting yourself off as you walked off to your room. He really underestimated you, but next time Pein wasn’t around, you would certainly give him a big taste of the strength he didn’t know you had.

The next morning you felt somewhat better, dragging yourself out of bed to start your day with the rest of the miserable human beings in the hideout. You finished up your breakfast, washing only your dishes, drying them and packing them away, growling at anyone who dared to near you with their dirty dishes. You would die before you washed somebody else’s dishes in this hideout. No one was worthy. Except maybe Itachi. You dried your hands off, walking back to your room to meditate, shower and change before you’d go out and train a little. Not because Kisame said so, you reminded yourself, now debating whether or not you should train, so Kisame wouldn’t think you were training because of his rude remark last night. You walked with your eyes glued to the floor, not watching where you were going as you sped walked the rest of the way in deep thought. You bumped into something hard, the impact throwing you off balance, causing you to stumble backwards and land hard on your bottom. “Ow!” , you whined, looking up to see Kisame. He didn’t have his cloak on, just a skin tight black turtle neck shirt with a pair of black pants. Barefoot. The shirt he wore hugged his muscular chest in such a sinful way. His beefy arms flexing as he gazed at you. This might of been the first time you’d seen him without a cloak. He wasn’t just a big shark. He was a tall, muscular, sexy shark. He reached down to grab your arm, pulling you up a little too fast, causing you to stumble once again, but this time, he held you until you were able to stand on your own. You were pretty much gawking at this point, gulping away your arousal as you immediately looked at the ground, embarrassed that he caught you. “Watch where you’re going little girl”, he said, ignoring how cute you looked still dressed in your pijamas. The pink, spaghetti strap shirt hugging your ample bosom, your nipples confidently introducing themselves through the thin cotton material. The shirt ended just beneath your natural waist, revealing your pierced belly button and a whole lot of smooth skin before your navy blue with white polka dots pants took over, a drawstring keeping them around your hips as they draped all the way down to your ankles, folded twice so you wouldn’t step on them. You both stood in the middle of the long passage, awkward silence surrounding the two of you as you shyly checked each other out. “If you were watching where you were going you wouldn’t of let me walk right into you”, you started, trying to distract yourself from the 6’4 hunk of sexiness standing in front of you. Quickly overcoming your shame you looked up at him, clearing your throat as his eyes were glued to your chest for a good few seconds before he lift them up to look at your face. Unlike you he wasn’t embarrassed at all, his eyes continuing their journey down your body as he nonchalantly replied, “Yeah whatever little girl, I don’t have time for this today”. Your eye twitched. “I’m not a little girl”, you spoke, trying to stay as nonchalant as he was. “Is that so?”, he challenged. “Yes. I’m much more than you could ever handle Kisame. But anyways, I’m not going to to stand here and argue with an angry fish, so bye”, you retorted, starting to walk past him and to your room. His large hand found your neck, causing you to stumble as he dragged you back in front of him, pushing you against the wall all in one swift movement. You gasped out as your back hit the wall, knocking a little air out of your restricted windpipe. Kisame eyes met yours, his teeth showing in his devious smile. He didn’t know whether to laugh at your confidence or respond to your smart remarks. Whatever it was he was feeling made his dick twitch. If only you weren’t so damn cute gasping for air in his hold he would’ve ignored you and continued on about his day. But today he reached his limit. He was going to teach you a very good lesson.

He leaned forward to whisper in your ear, “Much more than I could ever handle?”, he questioned. “Are you sure about that little girl?”. At that he let go of you, watching you greedily suck in air before easily picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. You blushed at how strong he was. “I’m guessing you don’t know how to be gentle”, you remarked, only further triggering his irritation. “For once you’re actually right about me. I do not know how to be gentle and I hope you learn from this”, he responded. You could hear the seriousness in his tone, hoping he meant to do what you thought he was going to do and not actually kill you this morning. Uncertainty travelled through your veins, making you nervous as you tightened your grip on his shirt, trying to keep your balance. His arm sat between your thighs, the grip on your upper thigh just below your ass the only support you had on his shoulder. You were genuinely concerned. Trying to think of a plan to escape or fight back if you needed to. He entered a room, shutting the door behind him. A few steps later he threw you onto his unmade bed. You could smell his musky scent all around you, spiking up your arousal as you sat up on your elbows, looking around you before concluding you were in fact, in his room. You looked up at him, gulping away your nerves as he lifted his shirt over his head. Holy fuck. At this point his sexiness would surely kill you before he got the chance to. You could only watch him in silence, as he crawled onto the bed, slowly making his way to you, like an animal sneaking up on it’s prey, forcing you to lie on your back. He spread your legs open to settle between them. You felt so little beneath him, actually nervous about what was currently taking place. Kisame stopped just above you, sensing your nerves building up. “Where did the cocky girl run off to?”, he chuckled. You felt rather embarrassed that he was right, all your confidence left your body when he threw you onto his bed, suggesting that he was going to fuck you. As aware as you were you couldn’t find any words to retort. A smile appearing on his face, showing his sharp white teeth as he waited for a reaction. “Did you forget how to talk?”, he asked, before planting a small kiss on your soft lips. He pulled away, looking at your face before coming back down to plant another kiss in the crook of your neck. You lifted your chin up to give him more access. His hand rubbed your thigh, slowly coming up to your hips, then your waist, your abdomen and finally your breasts, not ceasing the kisses that slowly turned into sucks and bites, his sharp teeth piercing your skin, making you moan out before his tongue lapped at the blood, soothing the pain he caused you. His big hand squeezed your boob, causing him to groan at the feel of the soft mound. His fingers pinched your nipple hard enough that you squealed. “Answer me y/n”, his tone serious as he continued his attack on your neck. You complied, “Yes I can talk, I’m just a little surprised”. You figured you should be honest about how you felt right now. He ceased his marking, coming up to look at your face. “I hate to admit it but I find myself very attracted to you, annoying as you are. Right now though, I want nothing more than to fuck you, hard and fast”, he confessed, emphasizing his last words with a buck of his hips, grinding into you, smiling at the way you bit your lip, trying to stifle a moan. “I’m sure I can handle you just right”, he continued, deciding to slowly roll his hips into yours, roughly dry humping you. “I’m just not sure if you could keep up”. At that you snapped your eyes open, a small moan escaping your lips as his erection rubbed your lady parts just the right way. “I can keep up Kisame. You’re not all that”, you quickly retorted. Kisame chuckled, watching you slightly squirm beneath him, enjoying the way he rubbed against you.

His lips smashed into yours in a bruising kiss, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth, making you squeal in delight. His hands immediately worked on undressing you, quickly pulling your shirt over your head and dragging your pants off along with your underwear. In less than a minute you were bare beneath him, your legs spread out as he pressed kisses onto your inner thighs, slowly nearing your wet and aching heat. You brought a finger to your mouth, bracing yourself for what was to come. Kisame looked up at you, waiting for a thumbs up. You looked back into his eyes, whining as you bucked your hips up. Without further ado he drove right in, greedily lapping up your juices, spreading your lips apart before sucking on your throbbing nub, forcing you into a fit of long, breathy moans. You buried your hand into his hair, the other tugging on one of your nipples as you neared an intense orgasm. His large hands kept your thighs spread apart for him, purple nails digging into them as he ferociously ate you out. His mouth found your clit once again, sucking hard on it, the pleasure almost painful as you screamed out in ecstasy. You legs shook in his hold, juices spilling everywhere as he kept at it, making sure you let it all out before he pulled away from you. He got off of the bed, watching you squirm around in pleasure as he pulled his pants off, his boxers following, revealing his thick, long, glorious member. He crawled right back on the bed, flipping you over so you were on your tummy. “I’m sure you feel just as good as you taste sweet girl”, he teased, watching your fat ass jiggle as he slapped it, hard enough to pull out rough moans from you. He snaked his arm under your chest, wrapping his hand around your neck, your breasts snuggling his forearm. “Kisame!”, you moaned out, desperate to feel him inside of you. “What is it?”, he asked, biting his lip as he rubbed his dick along your slick folds, lubricating it and stimulating you at the same time. “Oooh please!”, you moaned, pushing your ass back against him. “You’re going to be begging me to stop soon little girl. Be patient”, he reprimanded, focusing on lubricating his dick in your juices, making you whine out in sweet frustration. Your legs were tucked underneath his own, your thighs pressed together, waiting for him to fuck you.

After what felt like forever he finally pushed the tip into you, slowly stretching you out. He watched you barely manage to take him, squirming beneath him as he sunk into your tight cunt. He couldn’t hold back a moan of his own, sinking his sharp teeth into the back of your neck as he pushed himself all the way into you, your tight pussy snugly swallowing him in. “Kisame! Fuck!”, you moaned out in pain and pleasure as he lapped up the blood dripping from your new wound. He didn’t give you anytime to adjust to the overwhelming stretch. “Mmm fuck! Here we go baby”. He immediately set to a fast and hard pace, his strong hips pushing you up the bed with every thrust, his hand on your neck keeping you in place as he pounded you into the sheets. You couldn’t speak, struggling to catch your breath as your screams took over. His dick was so big, hitting a spot inside of you that made you wonder if he was actually trying to kill you with pleasure. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, drool falling down your chin as he roughly fucked you. Your whole body was now violently convulsing beneath him and you hadn’t even reached your climax yet. Heavy pants fell from Kisame’s mouth as he brutally fucked you, enjoying the way your tight pussy threatened to milk him dry. “You feel way too fucking good baby. Come now”, he spoke through gritted teeth, the demand in your ear sending you over the edge as you came hard. All you could do was scream as the pleasure brutally consumed you, leaving you a complete mess as your grip on the sheets failed to anchor you through this one. Your walls clenched hard around him and he couldn’t hold back, grunting your name out in your ear as he came after you. It took everything in him to not bite you again as his orgasm ripped right through him. Sparing your skin from any more nasty marks.

His weight on top of you crushed you but also anchored you as you both rode your orgasms out. He calming himself before did, pulling you into him as he rolled onto his back. “That was quite intense. Are you okay?”, he asked, holding you tight against him as he kissed your face. His hands ran along your back, to help sooth you down, your whimpers muffled into his chest as you gradually caught your breath. “Y/n, are you okay? Answer me”, he asked again, slightly worried that he might of been a little too rough. He was sure it wasn’t your first time, considering how well you took him when he sunk into you. Maybe he was way too rough. He panicked, slightly tugging your head back to see your face. “Y/n. Answer me”. “K-Kisame. I’m f-fine”, you tiredly whimpered, snuggling into him to find sleep. He finally breathed out, kissing your forehead in relief. So this was all it took to get you to behave? He was hoping you’d be open to doing this again sometime soon, letting sleep take over as he relaxed onto the bed, feeling very satisfied with how things turned out.

#kisame #kisame x reader #kisame smut #kisame x y/n #kisame hoshigaki #nsft post

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familyagrestefanblog · 4 years ago

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Episode 2 of season 4 is confirmed to be "Lie" and a Kagami episode. I'm not entirely up-to-date with the spoilers but I think it's most likely this episode

I guess the show will take the route that ep. 1 "Truth" will be about the Lukanette break up and in ep. 2 "Lie" so will Adrigami. I won't lay judgment upon this decision yet, I want to see the episodes first. The parallel in the titles is interesting tho and maybe that's how we can identify what Kagamis powers will be!

Going by the parallel, if Luka as "Truth" wants to find out secrets and bring them to light Kagami might be the complete opposite. Maybe she can sense the desire of people, the life they wish they had and what(or who) they wish they had in their lives and use it as bait to lure them in so she can get them.

The reason that lead me to this idea is the one thing everybody screamed about when they saw the trailer, Adriens "sacrifice". Because I'm gonna be honest here, the more I look at it, the less it looks like a sacrifice to me. I know everybody seems to agree on this but what we have seen just doesn't add up to me.

I mean, Ladybug is the one these two who is perfectly SAVE and out of harms way when this happens and Kagamis attack seems to be directly after Chat Noir. HE is the one trying to escape the attack not Ladybug.

(gifs from @dailymlgifs)

Not gonna lie, I'm kinda lost on how the white energy ball works. Ladybug seems to be on a lower level than chat but she isn't in danger of getting swallowed by the energy? The attack really just seems to be after HIM

So how could he sacrifice himself for her when she is not even in any danger?

This is why I think there might be a very different reason for why Chat let's himself fall into the white nothingness (totally not a visual callback to Chat Blanc noooooooo) and with a SMILE on his face non the less!

Every episode has a topic and I think here it'll be "the life we have vs the life we WISHED we had" and we will see how it'll affect at least Ladybug, Chat Noir and Kagami.

Concidering that this is probably going to be the Adrigami break up episode its fair to assume that it could happen because either Tomoe and/or Gabriel do not approve of the relationship between their children (we already saw Gabriel sabotage Adriens relationship in Chat Blanc) and Kagami gets akumatized because of it (also parallel to Chat Blanc where Adrien was able to save Marinette from the akuma). She then "freezes" her mother as we saw in the leak.

There are so many possibilities with Kagami in this scenario when you look at it from an "the life we have vs the life we WISHED we had" angle: Maybe the forced break up happens because of the business contract we saw in "Animaestro" (the episode also included the almost random topic of the possibility of Kagami and Adrien leaving for Japan)

and Tomoe tells Kagami they will go back to Japan but Adrien and Gabriel stay in Paris. Kagami would then loose every friend she tried so hard to make, loose both Adrien and Marinette and go back to being all alone. That is one HELL of a reason to get akumatized!

Continuing this topic with Marinette/Ladybug it would explain why akumatized Kagami seems to ignore Ladybug to go after Chat Noir. As we also know from the trailers Marinette will loose alot of her social life to her duties as Ladybug AND guardian, Marinette is definitely NOT excluded from the longing for other circumstances in her life.

But the thing with Marinette is that while she indeed has the emotional tumult for Kagami to target her, the circumstances in which she losses her social life give her a purpose to NOT give into the longing and it saves her from Kagamis power.

Marinettes social sacrifices are painful but she knows they didn't happen for no reason. This is the complete opposite to Adriens losses in life and in my assumption the reason why Kagami not only goes directly after Chat but why he then lets himself fall with a smile.

(Gif from @valleybone)

When I see this moment from a "the life we have vs the life we wished we had" angle then I realize again just how much Adrien LOST already and how purposeless it must seem from his perspective.

-Emilie got sick out of nowhere and then just vanished from the surface of the earth in Adriens eyes. He has no idea what happened to his mother, she is just GONE.

-Nathalie may start to become his new mother figure now but she is also bedridden with the same "condition" as Emilie. So even that light is dimmed with a certain darkness.

-Chloe officially crossed a line in "Miracle Queen" and from the way she behaved there Chloe will get even worse this season. Oddly we kinda tend to forget it on some levels but Chloe was for a long time the only friend Adrien was allowed to have. And while they definitely drifted apart althrough s1-s3 Adrien still genuinely cares about her and with her going "antagonist to villain" now, it makes Chloe one more person Adrien now losses.

-How much do I have to say about Gabriel? "Stormy weather 2" already forshadowed that Gabriel will loss Adrien when he continues to go down his evil path and Adrien brought up the possibility of moving on with life without his father. And now with Gabriel being ShadowMoth he will distance himself even more from his son. Gabriel is definitely a person who must basically feel almost lost to Adrien.

-Of course Kagami herself which the break up and loosing her after they became such great friends

-and we can even include Marinette and Ladybug on this list. Adrien/Chat in the s3 finale at last accepted that Ladybug doesn't love him and the summary of "Truth" says that Marinette "neglects Chat Noir" because shes so overwhelmed. So the potential for Adrien feeling like she's drifting away from him as well is definitely there. And I think Marinette is reasonably enough to include here because if she has no time or opportunity to see everyone else, then it also means Adrien doesn't get to see his very special friend very often either.

-combine this with how lonely Adriens civil life normally is and how "Chat Blanc" forshadows that Adriens popularity will increase even more now and how that will definitely affect him

Then you know what? I would perfectly understand why Kagami would go after Chat in particular when she feels such a longing in him for a life where things are normal and peaceful and his loved one do not slip right through his fingers for reasons he cannot know. Adriens losses in life and the way he has to accept that a normal life in general just was never meant for him just HAPPEN to him and therefore I completely understand it if Chat letting go with a smile on his face has to do with him not being able to resist the longing he feels within. He already has to fight and suppress it every day in his normal daily life but faced with an Akuma like Kagami might be he would succomb to it. Because unlike Marinette he can not hold onto a purpose that explains his losses and gives him the strength to hold onto reality.

I will stop here because I don't even know if this will actually be the case x3

But can you imagine how heartbreaking it would be if we were to hear Emilies voice talking to Adrien for the first time and it's the reason why he let's go of his staff??

(gif from @dailymlgifs

Gurl I know I'm going so hyper-specific again that I shouldn't expect to actually see it in the episode, but the sheer possibility makes me so sad and now I'm having FEELINGS

#ml spoilers #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #adrien agreste #chat noir #Emilie agreste #Ml season 4 #Ml ep Lie #kagami tsurugi #marinette dupain chang #Guys im sad wft #Adriens life is so depressing man

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seethingballofhatred · 3 years ago

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Alador Blight and why I think he could be redeemed

copy/pasting a rant I just did in Discord at 3am so its not worded well

THIS IS NOT MENT TO START DEBATES, AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE WITH THOSE WHO DISAGREE, I AM MERELY SHARING MY VIEW OF THIS CHARACTER. IGNORE IF YOU THINK IM WRONG.

Tw’s for discussions of my own abuse experiences

Alador is not irredeemable Hes not a good parent at current, but hes very obviously gripped under Odalia's abuse along side his kids, hella neurodivergent, and likely hasnt fully realized how much damage Odalia has done due to his heavy work load. Hes very clearly more of an absent parent than an abusive one, again not great but not irredeemable

GENUINELY I SEE ALOT OF MY OWN PARENTAL SITUATION IN THESE TWO!! My dad was and is hella emotionally abusive, and very much so was to my mother, who when we were kids was extremely busy with college and work to support a 5 person household She couldnt always protect us!! She tried her best, especially with our older brother, who nearly got physical abuse several times!! but she was an extremely busy woman at the time. Me and my siblings dont blame her for that! Infact after she got away from dad we all grew alot closer because shes a good ass mother. Obviously not perfect, no parent is, but shes one of my most trusted people and Im so glad I didnt lose her.

I see Alador as very similar!! He stops Odalia when he can, does his best to stay on her good side while doing so. And is incredibly busy making abominations so the family can keep up their lifestyle. Hes not a good parent by any means, but he isnt actively harming his kids, and isnt just "quietly using them for power"!! He's just so caught up in his work that he cant always help his kids. And I genuinely think that Amity's rebellion in their episode will spur Alador into some form of redemption, and we'll at least see the start of him rebuilding his relations with his kids. Fuck Amity is around the same age my brother and I were when my mom left my dad, which is just another parallel. Its also worth noting w/ the blight kids its always "dont tell mom", none of them worry about what Alador will think, which is very similar to my own childhood Alador has so much potential to be an amazing father, and getting out from under Odalias thumb is just the begining of that reformation.

People keep acting like Alador is just "Odalia but quiet", when Odalia is the prominent one through the whole episode, Alador barely speaks and half the time he does he's fucking half asleep. (I get this can tear apart my argument to, but Im reiterating that I saw this exact behavior in my mom when I was young) We mostly get facial expressions from him, which show that he's noticing Amity's ability and growth, pointing it out to Odalia to make her take it a bit easier on Amity

They also mention his smirks, or smiles to Odalia during scenes and it is again worth pointing out that he is extremely adhd/autistic coded and could VERY WELL BE MASKING TO NOT ANGER ODALIA. People would think that would involve a bit of noticeable fear but you'd be surprised how well nd's can fake emotions!!

I know most of the fandom disagrees with me here, but thats exactly why I needed to share this, as someone who relates alot to Amity and how her mother treats her. Escaping Expulsion just made me relate to her even more, and sympathize with Alador all because I’ve seen this all before in my own life.

You do not have to agree with me, I will not force anyone to, and again this post isnt made for debate, but I don’t want to start seeing people attack Dana if Alador ends up getting away from Odalia in some way and being a better father.

By all means, see him as irredeemable if you want to, just know that at least one person has lived a very similar toxic family structure, and sees his potential to grow.

#The Owl House #TOH #Alador Blight #Odalia Blight #Amity Blight #Edric and Emira Blight #TOH: Escaping Expulsion

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bloody-sickness · 1 month ago

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Literally all the proshippers I’ve seen are some flavor of gay or whatever, I honestly don’t understand the homophobia bit. Besides, there are a lot of popular ships within fandoms that have some flavor of LGBT in it so.. and so I’m even more confused how that’s so. In addition, some proshippers are minorities. Some, key word. Obviously there’s gunna be racism in a fandom, ever fandom deals with that. But really? *everyone* is a racist?? Antis just wanna hate on people. Anyways, after thinking a bit I came up with some more key points. Trigger warning for CSA mentions, suicide mention, self harm mention, grooming, a LOT of curse words, me semi - venting about my own experience, and just genuine anger directed at antis. You have been warned.

1 - Some proshippers are MINORS. Some antis send death threats to MINORS. Some antis send SA threats to MINORS. Harassment is illegal, even more so to minors. 2 - “All proshippers are groomers / pedos / *insert crazy allegation*!!” I hear some say. Really? No, really? Firstly, proship means “ship and let ship”. Where is any mention of grooming? “But—” No. Just no. As a victim of grooming multiple times, I feel fucking insulted that you even think that shipping an adult with a minor is ever comparable to IRL grooming. Of course there’s gonna be bad people. Its the goddamn internet. But still.. Jesus. Oh, and people saying it promotes irl rape / SA…. Just honestly shut the fuck up. 3 - “It ruined mental health!! What if it affects someone IRL??” Get the fuck outta my face with the bullshit almost every anti says. If someone’s moral compass is changes just because of words on a screen or a gwad damn drawing then they need to see someone and get off the internet. Like, holy molly. No one who has a basic human fucking morality will go “mmmm, I wanna go fuck a child just became I saw a drawing / read a short fic.” No one. No one sane.

4 - “I’m a victim of *blank*… this upsets me….” Sorry but this isn’t about you. Block the blog, ignore it, and heal. I’m not downplaying anyone’s trauma but going online to start debating will probably make you worse. Just saying. 5 - Very important… STOP SENDING DEATH THREATS. Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ. You think your employer would care about someone shipping characters together or if someone sent some rando on the internet death / rape threats or told them that they deserve anything that happened to them? What if they actually killed themself? Huh? Digital Footprint exists. You’re never truly anonymous. So have fun explaining to someone why you told someone to kts. 6 - If you can’t use proper terms like child sexual abuse and instead call it “cheese pizza” or if you can’t call a pedo / groomer by their title and call them “kid diddler” or “kiddy liker” you’re opinion is instantly invalid. No matter what. Call it by its name, stop being pussy about it. As someone who went through alot, I ship my oc with their father to cope with child abuse and neglect! I ship my oc with older men to deal the fact that I was groomed wayyy too many times to count. Just because someone’s coping mechanisms doesn’t fit your “normal and appropriate” thought preferences, doesn’t mean it’s invalid. What if they were cutting themself? What if comshipping / darkshipping helped distract them from that? It sure helps me.

Tldr; I fucking hate antis.

I— what— *mental breakdown*

How the hell do you compare people who ship FICTIONAL CHARACTERS TOGETHER to people who would KILL SOMEONE BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THEY CANT CONTROL???? I am so lost

#proshippers interact #proship #tulpamancy #pro fiction #p0ppyblr #p0ppytwt #poppytwt #antis dni #antis do not interact #discorse #tw in general #cw #tw csa

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sanderxxrobbe · 4 years ago

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🤔 Personal Note..

I just want to make a few things clear...

The last day or so my accounts, my name and personal information (which some are false) has been circulating on tumblr leading to online hate, abusive messages and threats to me and my family. Just because one single person decided to voice their opinion and their personal views (YES THEIR PERSONAL VIEWS) and attack me online. I do not know this person or why she felt the need to do this personal attack in this manner (as a simple / healthy discussion about the topics she raised would have been sufficient). She nor anyone else has never messaged me on tumblr. She planned / intented from the beginning to attack me so this wasn't going to happen nicely (Yes anything can look and sound inappropriate when you only take sections of a post..Read the whole post and then comment). And by what i can see by her account/ posts i'm not the first and won't be the last account she bullies or abuses.

Yes everyone is entitled to their opinion and i value / accept this but the way this was executed was just vicious, calculated and right out harmful. And it shouldn't be allowed on here or on any social platform. I feel sorry for people who think this is acceptable behaviour. I would hear of this type of behaviour but never thought it would happen to me. How these accounts think its ok to go into another fandom in this manner..Wasn't SKAM & ALL SKAM REMAKES created for people to come together and enjoy a fun show and discuss everyday life topics..Togetherness.The SKAM CREATOR would be mortified by these people's behaviour and actions. Attacking other fandoms creates such a toxic environment. I'm sure that's not the message she wanted to portray..Also to have abuse and hate towards people just for fun and for their own twisted pleasure is beyond words..To belittle people is not a form of fun..And attracking people trying to enjoy their love of their favourite fandom instead of having proper conversations. Its crazy. Watching my every move and documenting it over a year..WOW..serious issues there. This in its self is scary, stalking and bullying.

I'm not here to play the VICTIM. NOT AT ALL..Yes i too am to BLAME..And Thank you for bring my flaws and behaviour to my attention. I take full responsibility for my accounts and what i post and if i have offended or made anyone uncomfortable or feel like they need to leave this WTFOCK fandom I do sincerley apologise with all my heart. This was never my intention when i joined. Yes I may have been naive and not thought about how my posts would impact others but i guess i just assumed since wtfock covered so many serious and adult topics and there were so many written SOBBE Fanfics (mature / explicit) and mature gifs out there. Fans would be mature enough to understand my harmless, funny & loving posts (Mostly loving banter between Characters). Not acknowledging there maybe minors (18 years or less) in the fandom was my mistake. My sincere apologies to you. Yes I will take a good hard look at myself and take responsibility for my actions and think carefully before posting or saying anything in the future.. Everyone joins these platforms of their own free will..no one is forcing you to be here and you have the freedom to comment, dislike, unfollow, block people or leave. My inbox has always been open for everyone. I created my TUMBLR and INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT for my LOVE of WTFOCK & the CAST (My love for S03 - SOBBE, the Willems (DS & H) & CAST) & to be a constant support to these amazing actors and the show...As they don't always get the credit they deserve. I only follow people who have approached me. Who are they to judge who i choose follow. If i am such a threat and annoying to the wtfock cast then why haven't they blocked or ignored me. Why does one of the cast members follow me. Then why does some of the wtfock cast chat with me. Why do they like my comments. (This is Not public knowledge as i don't see the right in posting personal conversations like many do)..Making accusations & assumptions without all the facts is immature and unacceptable.

I like /enjoy being creative & spreading joy & happiness in all that I post..i spend alot of time thinking about my posts & making sure they don't offend or make people uncomfortable (most times checking my posts with my mutual / asking permission to use their post and to see if my posts are ok to post 😏)..I use quite alot of other accounts posts (Their words eg: incorrect quotes) and add my spin to them (Mostly adding pictures). So if you know my style or me I always comment with my heart, with love & say what i feel. I do not stalk or post people's personal information or conversations..I try not to invade anyone's privacy. I genuine mean well..What you see is what you get .For those people (accounts) that have messaged me abuse & hate recently towards me and my family in regarded to this person's personal post / comments..Please STOP..if you don't like what i post just unfollow me, block me or ignore my posts..There is no need for it. SO JUST LEAVE..Everyone is intitled to an opinion (Which i value) but being mean / hateful in the process is not acceptable..

I have made some amazing friendships / friends on here from all over the world which i'm greatful for & will cherish forever..Thank you to all the beautiful people that have emailed me. Everyone has had a tough year with so much uncertainty (Covid) and we are all trying to manage / live it the best way we can..So to add this to the mix my year has started well..Not..My inbox is always open for a chat or a hello..I know what i have written here will be dissected, scrutinised, distorted & torn to pieces by these toxic accounts but i know the truth and so do my true followers and mutual. So do what you will with this post as i have said my bit and your not worth my time anymore. I won't be replying and i won't let you get to me. I'm done with you (BLOCKED). Thank you to all my mutuals and followers for joining me on this WTFOCK ride.

Please in the WTFOCK STYLE ALWAYS be kind & don't judge unless you have walked a day in that person's shoes. Love to you all always..❤ Elsa 😍

#Personal reply #wtfock #skam france #druck

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nikasholistic · 3 years ago

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Would you happen to have some tips on how to detach from a toxic mother? She’s never physically harmed me. I’ve just now realized that she’s not someone I want to be around or be influenced by anymore. I feel a lot of guilt for feeling this way but I’m just done. I thought she did things out of genuine love for me but really anything she does for me was just for her own selfish gain and for her to say look at all I’ve done for you. Or just to feed her ego to prove she’s a good mother. The problem is that I’m 26 now and currently back home (unfortunately) and it’s just made me see her negative behaviors so clearly, it’s sickening. I don’t even know how to explain it, I feel emotionally ill. I finally found an internship - that I honestly don’t care for but it’s a way to make money for now until I find something better. I also feel alot of guilt because I feel like I owe her something for putting me though college with parent plus loans but I didn’t even want to go to college in the first place and didn’t even think I had a choice. When I brought that up with her, she completely ignored me and said well at least you have a degree. I genuinely plan on just kicking her out of myself when I finally get enough money to buy a used jeep and plan on living in there for a while as I find more work because I can’t be around her, I just can’t. It’s like she’s controlled my life for so long and she’s still controlling it - even constantly bringing up going to the military which I definitely know I don’t want to do. I hate it and don’t know how to make it stop. Any advice would be great to get off this emotional roller coaster.

I think the crucial part of detaching from a person is trying to approach them with compassion. It doesn’t mean that you’re about to forget her flaws or anything like that. It’s more about realizing that she behaves the way she does because that’s all she knows. She probably has her own unresolved traumas, she probably has been conditioned to act and think in a certain manner by her own parents. She also used to be a child, and this child watched the environment around her and absorbed all the negative patterns. She’s probably not aware that she’s harming you, and she thinks that her way of talking to you is normal. Try to forgive her.

At the same time, if you don’t think she should be present in your life all the time, you can start preparing a plan that will help you get financially stable and leave her house. And till this time, try to ignore some of her comments. Realize that you’re allowed to make your own decisions and stop listening to her “advice” if it’s not in alignment with who you truly are. Be polite and appreciate that she allows you to live with her etc., but at the same time, set firm boundaries and don't be afraid to tell her that you want to live your life your way.

You found my blog, so I assume you’re into spirituality and personal development, and that means, you need to focus on your inner tools to create a secure environment for yourself. You certainly don’t have to live in a Jeep. 💗

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kaelatargaryen · 7 months ago

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Genuine question: What is wrong with y’all?

I get on tumblr for good times, not for shit like this. I don’t like getting on tumblr and the first post at the top of my dash being something like this. Especially after we were blessed with crumbs!!!! The last message I sent to a friend on tumblr last night was that I hope these crumbs inspire more fics and instead, we get fandom infighting. AGAIN.

I largely ignore alot of inane shit, I know I’m mutuals and friends with people who aren’t friends with each other. I don’t care, it’s your business to feel how you wanna feel and I will always stand on that. So far it’s just been petty drama and meanness but to try and invade someone’s personal life for shits and giggles like someone couldn’t easily do it to you too is wild. This shit is actually harmful and ugly. And you’re weird af for it.

Be better people, it’s really not hard

Is this the game you want to play?

Would you like all the horrendous shit you said about your so called friends leaked behind the scenes?

Because that can easily be arranged

You want to heap threats on top of literal doxxing?

Do you have proof of this so called “horrendous shit” I’m supposed to have said? Because I have proof of literally every evil, racist, downright vile thing you have ever said about anyone in this fandom. In fact, your “friends” are so fed up of your vitriol that they are literally making burners to send proof.

Here is an example of it. I have blocked out the pictures to give myself privacy, something Chris did not allow me the courtesy of before accessing my old Instagram profile and sharing it with you all. The picture on the left is from when Max and I went charity shop shopping and bought each other an ugly outfit to wear. The picture on the right is from a weekend with friends where we all drunkenly braided each other’s hair.

These are cute moments in time that you felt entitled to, that you deemed appropriate to mock, belittle and trash my appearance in such a way that seeing it triggered my ED and I had to be forced to eat by Max, after a full 24 hours of feeling incapable of eating. So congrats, I guess?

I, nor anyone else, needs a reminder of how depraved and downright nasty you and your little group can be. We are all already aware.

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tinysatansierra-blog · 4 years ago

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Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment.

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit. so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety. another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said. now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people) they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content and im going to repeat this point IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8

#markiplier #transphobia #trans pride #lgbtq #muslim #huniepop #markiplier manor #pro choice #toxic groups #toxic fanbase #sia #music the movie #problematic content #huniepop2 #albeism #hypocrisy #hypocrites #discord

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energyanon · 3 years ago

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"having to justify bullying (because once again you’re not allowed to feel bad about it)" Hmmm very interesting I never thought of it like that before 🤔- there was an interview a couple years ago where HC kinda shrugged that he was called Fat Cavill, looking back now it feels like he was again sorta justifying to be bullied and having a very mean nickname.... Henry sweetie just because you were chubby as a kid does not ever excuse bullying, EVER. Bullying is unacceptable no matter what.

Yeah, I feel like he never really healed from it because he was maybe taught to be logical about it, rather than actually being able to feel emotional about whatever bullying occurred for him in his younger years. Saying “kids will be kids and they’re sometimes mean” is one thing, but excusing that because you can explain their behaviour is also not compartmentalising what you went through, it’s just brushing it off. which can sometimes be ok, but a lot of the times just makes you blocked off to emotions. Which, considering HC cant seem to cry in any of his readings even when he wants to, I would say he really is. Like, he says that he wants to live life in a happy way and he’s a giggly dude that’s true - but it’s also just a coping mechanism for not feeling any of the other negative emotions. And I totally get it I was raised the same way - my nerves came out as laughter, my fear too, if I heard something awful I would smile - and it’s all because I could never show anything that my parents wouldn’t know how to deal with/didnt want to. So I had to turn negative emotions into something that said “this is fine, I’m fine” So I get it, but it’s also really unhealthy. And it shows when he is so unbelievably polite all the time. Like yes, ok that can be beneficial being in the public light - but how does that come out privately? Or does he just shove it all down entirely to compose himself? Cause that genuinely causes you bodily harm. We need to express emotions, and tears and crying are the release of any emotion that is just too much for you to carry. Happy tears, grief tears, fear tears, it’s literally your body’s way of releasing high tension. Anyway - there’s alot of logic he’s been taught to substitute (negative) emotion and justifiying bullying is just another way to ignore the feelings that arise when you reflect back on it.

Oh! I remember actually, (I cant remember which interview it was in), but there was one where he was talking about it and you could see that memory was actually physically affecting him cause his throat was closing up a bit and he got tense but moved on from the answer shortly after. I hope I find it again, when I do I’ll link it.

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mjalti · 6 years ago

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P1. Hi Ms. Mjalti! I hope all is well with you, your family, and your endeavors! I really admire how steadfast you are in your prudence and independence, graciousness and ability to say no because I too have these traits, especially when it comes to men. I recently just joined Tinder (b/c for the New Year I promised to be more open to new ideas and experiences) and it truly has been an exercise in patience. Some of these guys just don't understand or appreciate the nuances of romance

P2. and actually meeting and genuinely getting to know someone and developing a healthy adult relationship built upon time, trust and consent. I’m 21, gay and a virgin and I’m happy to admit those things, and I yearn for a proper adult relationship that isn’t just one night stands and quick hook-ups, but whenever I explain to these guys who want those things from me that I’m not into that and I truly am just a baby gay looking for my own version of the original cliché idealistic romance P3. they say things that make me seem as if I’m judgemental or a bad person for denying them my body for their sexual sustenance. I’m not judgemental at all but I will never waver my morals or lower my standards for someone else! Like, I don’t feel bad for these feeble men at all. It’s just so frustrating trying to establish an adult relationship with love and romance amongst guys who just want to add me to their body count.P4. Have you ever had to deal with similar experiences and how does it make you feel?

——–

Hey honey. This is such big question but let’s get into it lol. First of all, I think being gay still comes with alot of responsibilities that you didn’t necessarily sign up for & none of them are your “fault”. Finding a (1) partner is already difficult for everyone but for people who are gay, there are additional layers bc alot of gay people who are out have come out at the “”price”” of their family’s abandonment or their friends abandonment or something like that. Obviously, a significant amount have also had the opposite happen (where their families were supportive ,etc) but for most people, there is that layer of missing a “community” so instead of waiting to get to know the person (as you seek), there’s a desperation to connect; often that means sex as soon as possible to establish that “connection”. This isn’t healthy but for alot of people, it’s also about having someone around who is ALSO gay and a need to “Secure” a partnership, a connection, or something that proves to them “I am not alone”. There is alot of “”unearned”” trauma & people still haven’t healed from what they had to live through. And those are the lucky ones who are still alive. Now; this isn’t dismal. There are also a ton of people who are happy & well adjusted. I would encourage you towards compassion for the people you encounter. You genuinely dont know what people have had to live through. You think about the photographs of gay partners at their partners deathbed from HIV or Felix Gonzalez-Torres work where people take a piece of candy from a pile & discard the wrapper to illustrate how ignored people with aids felt as they were left to die. There is alot of “past” that goes into “present”. I say this just to tell you that the people you encounter may be anywhere on the spectrum of healing.

Your situation is much more complex than mine is & I won’t sit here telling you it’s going to be easy or that you’re going to meet the love of your life if you do x, y, z. I dont know any of that. I just know that everyone wants to feel safe & validated. I feel like it’s important to acknowledge that we are on two parallel lines & that yours, while similar, is more challenging than mine.

But you asked about me.

I have always encountered people who have yearned to “heal” but not call it healing. To heal through me. And I’ve always denied them that, bc I am not a source of the type of healing they need. In no way can another human being heal you through sex or the depicted “love”. Sometimes love is getting the person to therapy. For me, it’s about communication. I try to understand the person. If someone is just a sexual person & can handle having had sex with several people, then I’m ok with them having had sex. If I discern that it’s a pattern they’re using to self-harm, I try to get them to start asking themselves “why do I do this?” And then if I see them making an effort to be more conscious of their actions, setting goals for healing, AND meeting those goals, then I allow myself to be in their presence. I cannot be around people who self harm or have self destructive tendencies bc I personally know my own limits and I know that …it does bad things to me. I guess the way I deal with it is I try to engage the other person’s soul, I try to talk to their spirit in the least esoteric way possible lol, I just try to get to know them & try to see where they started thinking of “hurting” as their natural state. And then work with them to get to a better place. And then get Chinese takeout. But it’s about..wanting the best for the other person, even if their best doesn’t include me in it.

When I get someone who is still living in their hurt & doesn’t want to engage in conversation about it, I wish them the best & move forward without them in my life, bc I am no one’s savior. I am just a human being trying to be human. I am not here to be anyone’s home, anyone’s mom, anyone’s therapist. I am doing my best and I am trying to engage with people who put effort in me, that I return to them. I am seeking that compassion. But if someone isn’t ready to give that to me, I do not demand it from them. I just move forward.

Additionally, as another virgin, I guess I would only encourage you to not tie your sense of “purity” to what your genitals do. Some people have higher “body counts” bc they have an easier time connecting to other people or bc they wanted to have sex. It is only a problem when a person uses sex as a form of destruction. I hope that makes sense.

I know I said alot but to wrap it up;

I would get the opinion of another gay person on this as a phenomena bc I know it exists (the rapid push towards sex) & they would maybe have a better understanding of it (a more vivid understanding) than me, but overall, you know that someone valuing you for who you are is not an outlandish request (by far) for a romantic relationship. You can negotiate on many things but respect as a human should never be one of them. If someone has traumas to work out, remember to be compassionate bc we all have lived through private hells. Try to meet people in real life bc apps will always include two types of people; those looking for sex and those desperate to get into a relationship. You are neither of those. Join an LGBT group near you if you can find one and try to interact with your community, try to find a person who sees connection with the same definition as you do. I wish you the best!

#qnotqueue #long post #i didn tmean to make this long i wanted something short but i got like...way into my thoughts #Anonymous

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